Day 1: Why?

I've been thinking a bit about why I wanted to start this blog and the following is the best answer I could come up with.

there are a few things in life that I (and, I'm assuming, everyone else) find myself compelled to do, the most relevant being writing and photography (but the list extends to include playing music and chess and a whole bunch of other things). However, as important as those things may be, I have trouble... justifying them.

There are always things that seem more pressing and more relevant to actual daily life: cleaning, working, eating, etc. But though these things seem ever-important also have a sort of... emptiness to them. They're things you have to do; not things you want to do(I'm not sure if that's some sort of spoiled child inside of me, but there it is.). Whereas the things that I want to do seem unimportant, though are probably more fulfilling.

And the way life invariably works is that the less time I find for these things that I, for better or for worse, associate with my self, the worse I get at them. Hence, my reason for creating this blog--as a reason to stay good at these things with daily practice.

I'm not sure what's more absurd: not finding time for things you care about or creating arbitrary deadlines to ensure that you do. But there it is.

I close with a story of a time not-so long ago when The Sims made me realize that I will never be fulfilled. I had recently read Chuck Klosterman's essay in Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs and I, similarly, thought the experience might shed some light on Jason (I realize this blog might step on the essay's toes a little, so I apologize).

I was at my counsins' house--or, more accurately, my aunt and uncle's house--and they went to bed early. They were due up early the next day, you see. I was still pretty awake so I made a character on the Sims that was, essentially, me. I had long hair, a slender build and glasses. I started off, trying to do the things I wanted to do--the things we all associate with "enjoying life." But what invariably happened is I didn't see certain people, I was late for work, I didn't get enough sleep/food/time to shower. As much as I tried to remedy the situation by going to bed early, budgeting time better, there was always one aspect of my life that I was neglecting.

The experience left me feeling extremely empty, and not just because I was 22 years old in my cousins' basement, playing video games at 3am by myself. But because that was exactly how my life was going at the time, and it continues to this day. I will never feel like I'm putting enough time/effort into every aspect of my life or person in my life. I discovered, as Chuck Klosterman put it better than I can (hence why I need to practice my writing), that I was "eternally enslaved by the process of living."

I'd recommend you read Chuck's essay because it is fantastic and exact (for me anyway) about what The Sims makes you feel. I think that's as good a place to end as any..

Man, what an unhappy second post. I find whenever I write just to write, I invariably bore myself with my whinyness. And yes, I know "whinyness" isn't a word.

Oh, and I also attached a picture from Bangkok that somehow seems relevant. How, I'm not sure, though again, I could probably argue for some meaning in it all. That's, again arguably, how organized religion came about.